It’s like I was dreaming and it’s been continuing since yesterday.
However, no matter how many times I pinched my cheeks, I didn’t wake up and I had a proper dream that night. A dream of watching Shirakawa-san from afar…. I properly woke up from that dream, so I was sure this must’ve been reality.
It’s hard to believe…. that I’m dating Shirakawa-san….
With such thought and racing heart, I went to school… and the second day of school life being in a relationship with Shirakawa-san began.
When I arrived at school and headed towards my class, Ichi was standing in the hallway in front of the class and when he saw me, he immediately rushed towards me.
He placed his hands on my shoulders firmly, and focused on me with blood-shot eyes.
“What the hell was going on!? The hell happened after that!? I couldn’t tell what happened at all from your ‘A lot happened’ message in LINE. That’s on my mind so much I couldn’t sleep, you know!?”
“O-oh… Sorry. Umm…. I went there…. to Shirakawa-san’s house”
Ichi shouted with vigor not befitting of a gloomy person and his face turned pale like he was about to faint.
At that moment, a low voice came from behind.
“Did you do it?”
I turned around and saw Nishi standing with a Noh mask-like expression.
“Whoa, you surprised me”
“Answer me. I’m asking you if you did it”
Nishi pressed me with the question with a strict tone like in an interrogation.
“What you’ve got to say, Kashi”
“Tell us honestly!”
Ichi also pressed me for the answer with a tense face. His caterpillar-like fingers dug into my shoulders, and it seriously hurt.
“….I didn’t do it”
They raised their voices at the same time.
“Was her family at home!?”
“Was she unexpectedly on guard!?”
“No, rather it felt like she’s willing, though….”
When I gave my answer, both of them bared their fangs at me like a Hannya mask.
“The-there’s various preparations…..”
“That’s what I’ve always said, right! Even a gloomy person should be carrying at least one condom! It’s a gentlemanly etiquette, you hear!”
Ichi shouted while swinging his big body, and our classmates who have come to school poured us with strange looks as they entered the classroom.
“Well, not that kind of preparation, but my heart….”
“Are you a maiden!?”
“You’re not even popular so why the hell weren’t you going for the chance!?”
They persistently questioned me, drove me to the wall of the hallway and I shrank back.
Even though I was already feeling regretful I didn’t have sex with Shirakawa-san, it was getting harded if I got critizised so much.
“But…. you know. We’re dating from now on, so that kind of chance isn’t just a one time thing, right….?”
At my reply, both of them turned serious at once.
“You, don’t tell me, are you seriously thinking you can date Shirakawa-san….?”
To the bewildered me, they looked at me like I was a pitiable creature.
“The partner is that Shirakawa Runa, you know? The summit of the school hierarchy, you know? She’s obviously just playing around with, and making fun of a gloomy guy. She’s a bitch who’s repeatedly changed guys, and, on whatever whim, she chose you as a partner for one-night stand yesterday and yet, why the hell are you passing it of as being her boyfriend”
I was perplexed and seeing me like that, Nishi shook his head as if to say “good grief”.
“Well fine, let’s let him dream a little longer, Ichi”
“Uh-uh. I’m sure he’ll learn the reality soon enough”
While giving me pitying looks, this weird duo left, and walked down the hallway with their arms on each other’s shoulders.
Is-is that the case? But, I’m not being made fun of, am I? I’m dating Shirakawa-san….. Right?
What those two said somehow suddenly made me feel uneasy.
At that moment, I felt my phone vibrating in my uniform pocket.
When I took it out, I saw a LINE pop-up.
I overslept~~ sob
It’s from Shirakawa-san.
Seeing this makes me believe that yesterday’s event was not a dream or illusion.
If we’re not dating, there’s no way she’d have sent this message and in the first place, we wouldn’t have been able to exchange contact addresses.
If she’s just making fun of me a little to enjoy the reaction of a gloomy guy, there’s no way she’d go this far to do something bothersome like this. The price is too great.
I thought to myself that and felt relief.
Even yesterday after I left and returned home, after dinner, and before bed, Shirakawa-san sent me several messages.
If you ride a bike to the station and rush it, you’ll make it for the first period. You can do it!
I can only return something uninteresting like this but I reply immediately each time.
My phone vibrated again and a message from Shirakawa-san came.
Demon serious response sniff sniffI’ll do my best
“Demon serious response….”
I’m sorry I can only send something uninteresting.
But, it’s normal to be able to send only a serious response, okay. If I try to be funny with Shirakawa-san and fail, I’d never be able to make a joke again in my life.
I thought of sending something back but she’s probably already busy in getting ready, so.. here I just sent her a “Do your best” sticker, and I put my phone away.
And soon my phone vibrated again, and she returned a sticker of a not so-cute rabbit character with an impatient face.
“That aside, I’d better get ready”
A chuckle unconsciously escaped my lips and this time I put my phone away.
Shirakawa-san came to school towards the end of the first period. Her curly hair and glossy lips were perfect as usual. It was just like her, to not compromise on the time she spent on her appearance.
Looking at her cute appearance, I remembered the dream-like time of yesterday, I knew I should’ve accepted doing it with her…., and I got harassed by a sense of regret.
Then when it became break time, Shirakawa-san casually approached my seat.
I was concerned by the gaze from the surrounding and like a suspicious person, I looked around.
“You’re late, huh”
I wanted to cut the talk short so I started one myself without pause.
“Nnn, I overslept”
“What’s wrong? Did you go to bed late?”
As I continued the conversation rolling, Shirakawa-san spoke with a mysterious look on her face.
“When I was thinking about Ryuuto, somehow I couldn’t sleep”
I was so shocked I unconsciously forgot to check what’s going on in the surrounding and stared at her.
“Because it’s my first time with anyone like Ryuuto. Somehow, it’s strange”
“Eh, I see….?”
I’m sad to say this myself but I think I’m a rather mass-produced gloomy type, though…. Well, I guess it’s surely a type that wouldn’t be around Shirakawa-san’s surroundings.
It was then that a good-looking girl called out to Shirakawa-san from the back of the classroom.
Even among the group of good-looking girls her presence was quite strong, she’s Shirakawa-san’s closest friend, a gal with tough-eyes.
I felt her glare at me, and I ducked my head, trying to assimilate with the air.
Without even noticing that, Shirakawa-san gave me a small “See ya~” while leaving.
Even after that, Shirakawa-san continued to talk to me when it became break time.
On one hand I was happy, on the other hand I couldn’t help but feel concerned about the eyes from the surrounding.
Especially the eyes of the tough-eyed gal looking at me like I was an enemy.
After being glared at for the umteenth time, I wasn’t able to resist saying this to Shirakawa-san in a whisper.
“You haven’t told anyone that we’re dating, right?”
Shirakawa-san looked at me with eyes seemingly questioning me with, “Why are you asking me that?”.
“I told my best friend Nikoru, though”
It’s the tough-eyed gal. If I’m not mistaken, her name is Yamana Nikoru. Since the first year, she’s been frequently together with Shirakawa-san.
“Why? Was it not good? Is Ryuuto not telling your close friends?”
Shirakawa-san asked me innocently.
“Well…. I’ve got two friends who know”
And things got worse, It’s not like I was also being told to keep it a secret so I wasn’t able to say anything. In the first place, Ichi and Nishi are the one who made the chance leading up to me dating Shirakawa-san, and it’s not like I’ve told her about it either so it can’t be helped.
“….It’s just that, when I’m talking with Shirakawa-san we are, like, standing out…. ”
I told her that while glancing at the surrounding.
It got diverted by the unorganized atmosphere of the break time but, if a girl like Shirakawa-san was talking to a gloomy guy like me many times a day, it must’ve been strange to the eyes of Shirakawa-san’s watchers (I’m sure they’re out there. I was one too).
“….Does that mean, we shouldn’t talk too much at school, and keep it a secret we’re dating?”
I was asked by Shirakawa-san in a lower voice and I nodded my head awkwardly.
“Nn…. Err, I guess, yeah. And it’d help me if you could do that….”
I don’t know if I’m in position to make such a request, but if I were to say it, the fact that I’m dating Shirakawa-san itself is already beyond my position.
“….I get it”
Shirakawa-san agreed to it reluctantly.
“So, when it is okay I talk to Ryuuo?”
I was taken aback when I got asked that suddenly.
“….Ma-maybe we can meet up on weekends or something?
I wonder if it’d be too brazen of me to say such a thing all of sudden. My other self in my head is lecturing me that it’s a hundred years too early for a gloomy guy like me to hog Shirakawa-san to myself on day-offs but, that’s the only thing coming up in my mind after thinking in the spur of a moment.
“Does that mean, a date?”
I ended up making a weird voice because Shirakawa-san suddenly returned to her normal voice volume and asked me.
Luckily, the previous lesson was in the science room and the students were still sporadically returning to class, so there shouldn’t have been any classmates listening nearby.
“I-I guess so….”
The word date made my heart throb and my eyes wandered about restlessly.
“If it’s not good, I’m totally fine, though….”
Wait, as bad as it is, I’m her “boyfriend” and it’d be quite the shock if she rejected the date.
“No, it’s fine”
Shirakawa-san immediately replied.
“I have a plan on Sunday, but I’m free on Saturday so.. where are we going?”
And there, the bell signaling for class rang and I left her side by myself saying “La-later….”
With my heart still pounding restlessly, I prepared the textbooks and the likes ready on my desk, and as I snapped back to reality after a while, I instinctively muttered.
“I mean, isn’t Saturday…. tomorrow”
My first date is unexpectedly tomorrow and I have no plans.
Even though the partner is that Shirakawa-san!?
I wasn’t able to concentrate for the rest of the classes.
No matter how much I wracked my brain, there’s no way an unpopular gloomy guy could come up with splendid date courses that would satisfy Shirakawa-san.
Even if I sneakily looked up “Date place” on my phone hidden inside my desk, the top results were nothing but only ordinary ideas.
As I was continuously doing that, I started to feel sick from worrying too much so I decided to forget about the date temporarily.
After school, Shirakawa-san was happily chatting away with her best friend “Nikoru” as usual, so I, somewhat restlessly, left the classroom together with Ichi.
It was at the moment after I got home, and decided to take a breather in my room by watching KEN’s new videos with the phone in my hand.
A LINE’s notification from Shirakawa-san came.
It was not a message. It’s a phone call.
Moreover it’s a video call.
After confirming there’s nothing bad to be seen in the back, I sat in seiza on top of the bed and pushed the answer button.
“Yaay it’s Ryuuto~!”
Reflected on the screen was Shirakawa-san waving her hand with a happy face.
When I looked at the background, it seemed like Shirakawa-san was in her own room too. So that means she came home not long after that, huh.
As I was flustering over Shirakawa-san’s fluffy pink hoodie seeming to be her loungewear (The zipper was plentifully unzipped so her cleavage was clearly showing), Shirakawa-san pouted her lips slightly.
“It’s about the date tomorrow. You asked me out yourself! Don’t tell me you forgot?”
Date. No matter how many times I hear it, it’s a great power word. Rather, was that still technically me asking her out….? In that case, I’m grateful for it.
“That’s right, date! Where are we going?”
What I immediately remembered was the content I looked up during classes.
“It’s our first…. date, so…. like, a movie?”
The small face on the screen slowly tilted.
“Are you sure you want to go there? Is there, like, a movie you want to see? Does Ryuuto like movies?”
I only go to movie theaters about once a year and I’m not even well informed about the current movie screenings.
“What does Ryuuto wanna do with me? Why’d you ask me out on a date?”
I felt like Shirakawa-san’s looking at me with inviting eyes.
While flustering slightly, I told her.
“Because I…. want to know more about Shirakawa-san”
“You wanna know more, about me?”
I gulped down my saliva as Shirakawa-san made a stir, and then pressed by both arms, her cleavage became more profound.
“It’s fine. I’ll do anything Ryuuto wants, okay….?”
Shirakawa-san’s face looked kind. She had the smile of a goddess that could fulfill any man’s desire right away.
However, If only now I could say something like “Then let’s go to the hotel!”, I wouldn’t have been gloomy for 16 years!
Besides, it’s true that I want to nurture my relationship with Shirakawa-san with care. I’ll wait until Shirakawa-san says she wants to do it with me. There’s no…. wavering from that thinking.
If my desire is stimulated like this, I lose a bit of my confidence, though. I’m glad Shirakawa-san is not in front of me right now….
“….How about Shirakawa-san?”
I was at loss for words, so I returned a question there.
“Shirakawa-san, what do you want to do on day-offs?”
Shitakawa-san stared in wonder towards my question.
“I was wondering…. what kinds of things Shirakawa-san likes to do”
“Eeh, let’s see”
Shirakawa-san raised the corners of her lip, looking slightly happy, and looked up diagonally.
“I like clothes so I guess it’s shopping, also trying out cosmetics, or going to a cute cafe….”
“Then, how about we do that?”
Shirakawa-san’s eyes widened in surprise.
“Will you go along with what I wanna do…..?”
“Yeah. I don’t have anything I really want to do in town, so…. In that case, I think it’d be better to follow the one who wants to do something”
It’s because spending time with Shirakawa-san itself is a big event in my life. Even if I think it over, I couldn’t really come up with anything I want more from it.
My words made Shirakawa-san blink in surprise.
“….somehow, Ryuuto really is a bit different, isn’t he”
She laughed a little after saying that.
“It’s, my first time having a boyfriend saying something like that”
Now I’m convinced. Shirakawa-san isn’t some random loose bitch.
She tried to accommodate her boyfriend in everything. As a result of being overly accommodating to her boyfriend, she’s become more of a convenient girl than a girlfriend. Her boyfriend got tired of her, and ended up replacing her. She’s a beautiful, unfortunate girl.
“Somehow, Ryuuto is really different, isn’t he”
While looking at Shirakawa-san, who was still mumbling quietly, I muttered to myself that I’m not like her ex-boyfriends in my heart.
Then we had a talk regarding the meet-up and we ended the call.
“Bye! See you tomorrow!”
“Yeah, see you tomorrow”
When her face disappeared from the screen, I felt both relieved and regretful.
And the next thing that came to mind was.
I had a private video call with a girl that cute….!
And and, that beautiful girl is, my girlfriend…..!
Since I was in my own room, I rolled about in bed to my heart’s content, fainting with excitement.
Shirakawa-san was also cute in her loungewear, a little naughty, it’s the best.
The appearance of Shirakawa-san in her own room, unknown to everyone at school.1
Shirakawa-san’s room, huh…. It really smelled good.
I remembered the time I visited her house. I felt my hornyness returning and at the same time I was attacked by a sense of regret.
“Why didn’t I do it at that time….”
Now that it has come to this, Shirakawa-san may not casually invite me to her room anymore.
But, I didn’t want to be lumped up together with her ex-boyfriends.
Well, I’m sure someone like me can’t be lumped up together with those cheery good-looking guys, though….
“….No good, bad!”
Thinking about these things in circles, the night wore on.
The first time I actually fell in love with the opposite sex was with a beautiful, prim and proper girl with long black hair. It was the girl I made a confession to when I was in the first year of middle school, which had become a trauma.
Originally, I’ve always liked that type of girl. Even in games and animes, I’ve definitely favored the innocent-type over the sexy female characters.
That’s why it felt somehow strange to find myself in a company of a beautiful, very flashy type of girl, the exact opposite of my taste.
Furthermore, this beautiful girl is…. my girlfriend.
When I thought about that, I was not able to contain myself and still not used to it, I felt restless.
What to do if someone sees me. It’s not like I minded being seen but I was scared of getting criticized because a gloomy guy like me was with her.
Saturday, the day of the date. I was walking together with Shirakawa-san while thinking about that and feeling nervous in many ways.
“Wha, no way! Isn’t this suuuuuuuuuper cute!?”
On the fashion floor of Shinjuku station building, I was watching over the excited Shirakawa-san.
“Super cute!! It’s seriously too cute~!! This is when you buy multiple in different colors~!”
To be honest, I didn’t understand the goodness of what she highly praised. She got excited over things she picked up that’s beyond my understanding, like, a top with an open back I wasn’t sure how to wear, or an excessively red, sticky lipstick.
Speaking of being difficult to understand, Shirakawa-san’s outfit today was also amazing.
She wore an open-shoulders white top, a black tight miniskirt with leathery-like texture, also black sandals with a considerably high heel, and in addition, she’s carrying a bag with what looked like a snakeskin pattern.
She’s a gal. It’s laughable even, that a mass produced-type DK2 like me was walking side-by-side next to her, a splendid gal who wouldn’t be at all an embarrassment anywhere she went.
And she’s still insanely cute.
“Eh, hey, that girl, isn’t she crazy cute?”
“Is she a model or something? I’m not well-informed about gals so not sure….”
I also overheard what looked like two female university students whispering to each other when they saw Shirakawa-san.
As I thought, Shirakawa-san’s cuteness is at the level that makes her stand out even in the city centre.
When I thought about it, I felt intimidated but happy to be walking around as such a girl’s “boyfriend”, and I got more and more nervous.
Yeah, I should’ve had sex with her after all…. No no, I’m different from her ex-boyfriends, my head was busy thinking in circles.
While I was absorbed in my thoughts, next to me was Shirakawa-san absorbed in the products.
“Wah cute! Super cute~ let’s get this~!”
She’s been using practically the same vocabulary multiple times since earlier, but her excitement seemed to be genuine.
Her un-Japanese like distinct double eyelid eyes sparkled, and her eyelashes piled with more mascara than usual were trembling in delight. Her glossy lips that seemed to make a chirping sound when touched also interested me.
I think I actually.. like gals….?
No, it’s because Shirakawa-san is cute. And then, the gal make-up and fashion totally suit her so even though it’s not to my preferences at all, I think I can accept it.
With this in mind, I spent about two hours watching Shirakawa-san window shopping for cosmetics and clothes.
At the Instagram-worthy cafe we visited afterwards, Shirakawa-san who was drinking a served beverage heaped like a parfait suddenly asked me.
Her tone of voice was much lower than when she was all excited at the stores.
“Are you okay? Is a date like this boring after all?”
“That’s not the case at all”
I answered like that because I really thought so but Shirakawa-san’s light brown uniform eyebrows frowned.
“….Lie. I mean, Ryuuto didn’t look at any of the stuff at the store, right?”
“E-Eh? No, uh, that was….”
That’s certainly true.
I mean, when a man sees a woman’s fashion item…. it’s relatively okay if it’s unisex products, but if a man sees clothes strongly intended for gals, there’s no way he’s going to be interested. There was nothing I do to smooth that over.
“….Though, anyway it wasn’t boring at all. ….I was.. watching Shirakawa-san after all”
Afraid of being thought of as creepy, I added the last bit timidly.
Shirakawa-san’s face looked surprised by my answer.
“What do you mean?”
I didn’t expect her to dig deeper so I got flustered a little.
“Well, umm…. like, watching what kinds of clothes you like, or like, how cute you looked when happy…. Uggh, sorry. I’m creepy, aren’t I….”
When I wasn’t able to take it anymore and self-deprecating myself, Shirakawa-san shook her head with a serious face.
“Did you enjoy watching me shopping?”
I was asked that and I nodded.
“When I was watching Shirakawa-san enjoying yourself… somehow, I started to enjoy myself”
Shirakawa-san fell silent as if bewildered.
Did I say something bad?, and as I was watching her, her cheeks started to turn pink.
“….What’s that…. It’s kinda embarrassing”
That Shirakawa-san is embarrassed!?
“….Ryuuto is, different after all, isn’t he”
The bashful smile she showed as she said that was as innocent and lovely as a little girl’s.
What to do.
I like Shirakawa-san.
No, I’ve always thought I was attracted to her but since we started dating I’ve come to fall for her more and more.
At that moment, Shirakawa-san’s phone on the table vibrated.
“Ah, it’s from Nikoru”
The dark screen of the phone lit up and many message pop-ups appeared.
Shirakawa-san told me, “Wait a bit, okay?”, and picked up her phone and started typing in silence. She’s maybe sending back a message.
I ran out of things to do so I looked around the cafe interior.
The place Shiarakawa-san brought me to was a cafe with terrace seatings inspired by a beach resort. The pathway was a wooden deck that looked like a beachside and there’s actually also an area covered with white sands. It’s a cafe full of cheerful people I certainly wouldn’t enter alone.
Is it okay for a gloomy guy like me to be in this place?, so because I started to feel restless, I returned my gaze to Shirakawa-san in front of me.
No matter from which angle you look, Shirakawa-san is really cute. I completely felt that way as we did things together next to each other today.
I wonder what about me? No matter from which angle, I look like a fool…. not good looking…. I’m fine if I don’t appear that way, though….
Well, there’s no point thinking about it. I can’t transform myself into a good-looking guy to match Shirakawa-san so I have to at least be firm on the inside…. I’m not confident about that, though….
Shirakawa-san is still typing on her phone. I think that she’s really close with “Nikoru”.
I was just too lazy to type a message and I rarely sent LINE messages to Ichi or Nishi. If I did, it’d be just a matter of sending a message or two back and forth.
It seemed like last evening Shirakawa-san had a long phone call until late at night with “Nikoru”. Because it’s her routine before day-offs, she told me she’d be happy if our meetup was after noon. That’s why it’s already past four in the afternoon now.
Even though they were supposed to have talked on the phone yesterday, so what the heck is she so busy communicating, I wonder? When I saw that she hasn’t let go of her phone for an extended period of time, I was sure she’s entering a chatting state.
….Maybe, she’s complaining about me?
No, stop! Being paranoid is no good.
It’s all my lack of confidence’s fault that makes me think like this.
I have to change… at once.. is maybe impossible but I’ll try as much as I can.
It’s not like Shirakawa-san said anything to me so let’s stop losing confidence arbitrarily. ….Yeah, I want to stop.
Unless I overcome the trauma of not being able to trust a pretty girl, I won’t be able to continue dating such a super cute girlfriend….
But…. I wonder why. Even though I think that Shirakawa-san is an honest and good girl, at a moment’s notice, her face sometimes overlaps with that of a beautiful girl who rejected me.
They were two totally different types so it was strange.
“….Geez~ that Nikoru~!”
At that moment, Shirakawa-san, who was silent and fiddling with her phone until now, tapped the screen once and brought the phone to her ear.
“Like~ I ~Saiid~, Right now I’m on a date with Ryuuto”
Coming from the phone, “I know! That’s why I called you!”, was a high-pitched voice of a girl.
“….Eeeh~? …Aah, isn’t it fine, we’ll talk later, so..”
Perhaps being asked obstinately, Shirakawa-san spoke up with a little annoyed voice.
“Soo~ we went to Lumine, looked for clothes in Cecil~, looked at Etude House’s cosmetics~, came to a beach cafe~…. Yep, that’s right, I said I wanna go to all of them”
Shirakawa-san seemed to be enjoying talking about it.
“….I guess so. It’s my first time on a date like this”
Shirakawa-san stared at the glass of the sweet-looking beverage on the table, and showed a sweet smile that only could be shown to people one truly trusted.
When I saw that face, I felt something deep inside me fluttered, so much so that what I had been thinking until earlier became inconsequential.
Such a cute girl is my girlfriend.
The Shirakawa-san right here has had a lot of experiences with her ex-boyfriends in the past, and then now, she is sitting in front of me as my girlfriend. That matter is a bitter truth from my standpoint….
If her previous relationship had been a happy one, she might not be here right now. The guys she dated before treated her like a convenience, and discarded her.
I’m not going to do what those ex-boyfriends did. I want to make her happy….
And that’s what I think.
Ultimately, I’m not sure what to do for her. Only my spirit is running wild.
As I thought, it seems like my negative thinking was coming from this “Lack of confidence as a boyfriend”.
Even if now that I’m aware of it, I’m still not sure the best thing I should do, though.
“What’s wrong, Ryuuto?”
Before I knew it, Shirakawa-san had ended the call with her best friend and was staring at me curiously.
“Ah, Yeah….I remembered the kanji test for next week, so I thought , man, this is bad”
Hearing this, Shirakawa-san’s brows wrinkled magnificently.
“Waaah~ for real. Ten points down~…. Even though I’d completely forgotten about it~!”
“Great for you, right”
“I wanted to forget about it ~~!”
“Then you won’t be able to study, alright”
As I threw a quip and smiled at her holding her head, and acting like an adult, I tasted the black coffee I had ordered in front of me with the bitterness in my heart.
^1. Not sure why he said this. Are her EXs so far from outside of school? Hmmm… Most likely because at the moment he’s her bf, so the current figure of her in her loungewear in her own room NOW is unkown to everyone from school. Uhuh I’m thiking too much about this.
^2. DK I have no idea. I looked it up it could be Dining Kitchen. but most likely Doutei Koukousei = Virgin Highschooler or Danshi Koukousei = Male Highschool student